“You can’t tell me what to do.”
America is rife with unrest. Riddled with chaos. Roiling with violence. The pot won’t hold its lid much longer.
I didn’t experience the riots of the 1960s but I think surely the scenes then rival what we observe now in our city streets and on our social media platforms. It’s a frightening glimpse into the depths of the human heart. It seems that once in so many years, a boiling point is reached in a culture. After the eruption, things settle and the elements go back to a low simmer politically and societally and nationally. And then, after a few years, the whole situation starts to gain heat again. Many times, it takes a tragedy to dissipate the energy. Sadly, we’ve had many of those – and still, the pot boils.
Where does it start, this crusade in the soul that turns us into implacable zealots, as unyielding as a blade in the hand of a swordsman?
In the heart. In toddlerhood. It all goes back to parenting. An unconquered, rebel spirit will never be stilled; it only waits for provocation.
The most important lesson for a parent to teach a child is submission to proper authority. Unconditional love is a given. Care for physical and emotional needs is always provided. But, in actual, practical teaching, there is no more important lesson than this. Love and provision are the environment; obedience/submission is the lesson.
Children must be taught the value of “no” and the necessity of the acceptance of it. When a God-given authority tells us “no,” we accept that. No tantrums. No ugly faces. No sassy words. No slammed doors. No stomping feet. No sulking attitude. No “get back at you later.” Just no. “I cannot do that thing, much as I want to.”
Children must be taught the priority of authority, of position and appropriateness. We are not to be namby-pamby, doing whatever anyone suggests. We are not required to commit evil acts because someone tells us to do so. But when the proper authority gives a command or makes a request, we are to obey. This means, first of all, parents. Parents represent God to their little ones; they MUST learn to obey us. Then, teachers, pastors, law enforcement, government officials – those in the structure of authority that God has ordained for the orderliness and protection of our lives. We respond with respect and obedience.
In practical terms, these two parts of the lesson mean that I learn to exercise self-control so that when I am told I may “not” do something, I accept it and when I am told “to” do something, I do it. Both sides of self-control – doing and not doing. But based first on my obedience as demanded and commanded by my parents. If parents do not ensure that their children learn this lesson, they have defrauded their children and pushed them toward failure in life and damnation for eternity. Children as they grow will respond to life according to their temperaments and spiritual maturity and some may never act out too loudly simply because that is not their inclination in any matter. But, there are those who will. And both types as adults will experience the heartache that comes from refusing to surrender rights for rightness.
Logic and emotion about situations of self-control only matter as considerations for later. In the moment, children must know the proper response, obedience, practiced so often that training takes over. Later, there is time to talk over the “why” and the “how I feel.” Neither of these change the fact of godly authority. They are secondary.
I think we need another revolution in America. A parenting revolution. We need dads to be dads and moms to be moms and to love their roles. We need parents to decide from the get-go that their God-given authority will be the rule in the home, and it will be lovingly and never flinchingly enforced. We need little children to be disciplined and trained and inculcated and indoctrinated and drilled and tutored. And that will often look like them learning to stay quiet and stay seated and stay pleasant. We need them to speak when told, move when told, retreat when told, and stop when told. Every parent needs the confidence that, if he tells his child to do “thus and so,” it will be done, not a percentage of the time, but all of the time, immediately. It could be a matter of life and death. And that response only happens with daily, even hourly, persistence in teaching and then in shaping outcomes until it is second nature. These kind of children will be strong in the things that matter. They will know how to discern the battles in life and when to address them appropriately under proper boundaries. They will know that the real conflict is winning the war with self. They will know that lawlessness is always a losing proposition, and that only those who have learned control over themselves will stand in the end. Riots turn into rot, and mobs become mayhem. Self-control always wins.
I used to tell my children, “Until you have self-control, you will have mom-control.”
Oh God, give us “controlling” dads and moms. Our homes and churches and nations will reap great rewards and so will Your kingdom. And deliver us from the rebel spirit – it leads to death. And every generation of rebels finds it out anew for themselves.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Proverbs 16:32
