I have three daughters. Each is a precious gift from the Lord. Each is a treasure that I want some fortunate young man to discover and cherish. Marriage for them, I believe, is still a few years off but it isn’t too early to lay the foundation for that journey. And as a mom, I have a few ideas about the process. I have to help them in this next season of life. It’s a mother’s job. And God has entrusted me with it.
There are many ways to approach matrimony, and in our culture, we’ve seen a lot of them. Some produce total wrecks, and others, though the relationships themselves may be salvaged, are shaky ways to being such a lifelong covenant. You, like me, probably hold firmly that the absolute nonnegotiable for a couple is a shared commitment to Christ. Without that, it doesn’t even get to the first date. Christ must be the center. That’s a given.
But where does a girl go from there? I like lists; I think it’s great for a girl to have a list of qualities she would like in her future husband. Of course, she should differentiate between character essentials and other preferences. But what are the masculine traits that mark a man who will cherish her?
Here’s a different perspective to ponder: I want each of my daughters to marry a man who loves her face. Let me explain why. The entire human body reflects God’s handiwork, but nowhere is His image more evident than in the face. The eyes, ears, and mouth are the organs we use to interact with the world and the people in it; these are the tools of communication and relationship. The expressions of the face display the feelings; the face is a screen on which the emotions of life are played. The face usually reflects family genetics and tells something about heritage and ancestry. It is the first place parents look as they try to determine whom their newborn resembles, and it is the last view as the casket is closed on a beloved family member or friend. It is the symbol of unique personhood.
Our culture puts much emphasis on the body. From fashion to fitness to health, the focus is on a tight “this” and sculpted “that.” I do care that my daughters maintain the “temple” they’ve been given—after all, it’s the only one they’ll get. But if the body is the sole focus of a young man’s attraction, he need not apply for dating privileges; his approach to marriage is skewed. My prayer is that the men who pursue and win my girls will love them for the wondrous treasures they are, the total package — soul, spirit and body. Here’s how I’d say it to my daughters:
Make certain you marry a man who loves your face. Sure, he won’t be blind to the rest of you, but the plain truth is, your face will be the best-looking part of you in the years to come. You want a man who likes to look at you across the breakfast table every morning. You want a man who loves the woman shining back at him from your eyes. You need a man who adores your smile, and likes a portrait of your face to keep in his wallet or phone. A man who likes your face has his perspective right.
You see, bodies shrivel and sag, but the soul is evident in the face. It’s where your emotions are displayed and your affections are visible; it’s where you shine forth. And a man who loves your face and the woman reflected in it won’t have any trouble liking the rest of you as well. – VQ
Very good, Valorie. You are such a gifted writer, and I enjoy reading your blogs.
Wow! love it
Great thoughts – especially the first and last looks…